New Years

Let's talk New Year. Especially this year, a day that's usually hyped up but is known to be quite a let down. Expensive nights out, jam packed dance floors, barely being able to move or get to the bar, double tariff on taxis, arguments from being too drunk and then you wake up not remembering any of it... I know that's not the case for everyone but I'm sure you've all had at least one new year where you've experienced a similar scenario. I haven't gone 'out out' or done anything majorly exciting in years, it's always quiet and I like that. Some years I've even gone to bed before midnight, not because I'm miserable, but we'll get to that soon...

This year I don't even need an excuse to stay home, it's kind of what we all need to do; besides, nothing is open. That then naturally flows into New Years resolutions, which I'm not a big fan of, because they generally never last, because if you really wanted to do something or stop doing something you don't need to wait for new year, don't set yourself up for failure. While all this may seem quite cynical so far, that's definitely not my intention here. Keep reading..

I'm sure we can all agree this year has not by any means, been great, or as I keep reading people describe it as a 'shit show' of a year, I agree, it has, for many many reasons and obviously covid being the biggest culprit. Right now everyone is desperate for 2020 to end, things like "I can't wait for this year to be over" "can't wait to start a fresh" - and here's where I'm going to be real, when the clock strikes midnight on the 31st December, a magic wand is (unfortunately) not going to be waved, there will be no fairy godmother, January 1st is going to look pretty similar to the day before. What I'm getting at is more of a heads up, that things aren't going to suddenly change and be better, we will have to keep up with the current measures and sacrifices we face now. The sooner we can accept this, then a week into 2021 we won't be left feeling depleted or cheated of our 'new start'. All we can do is our best, take each day as it comes, keep ourselves safe and those around us safe, things will get better eventually, so let's not set ourselves up to feeling unsatisfied from day one. If we can get through this year, we can get through the next, have hope, have patience, lean into what you already have and show gratitude there, focus on the now, try and turn those negatives into positives, be mindful of what you're consuming, does it align with your values or make you feel good? Do the people you communicate with make you feel good or do they drain your energy, life is short, make the changes you need to, to live a fulfilled and happy life.

Instead of looking back on this year pulling out all the bad bits, all the bits that have gone wrong or made you unhappy. Instead, can you look back on all the moments you made great choices, what made you smile, what you're most proud of yourself for this year, what have you learnt, what have you learnt about yourself? What do you want to do more of in the coming year that brought you joy this year, what coping mechanisms have you used or learnt that you can take forward? Make a list, journal, these are just some examples, but you'll surprise yourself at just how many things might have actually gone right.

Give it a go 

A healthy, safe and happy 2021 is all I can ask for, what about you?

Sylv x

2020

 Oh hey! It's been a while!

I didn't keep up with this like I thought. My main platform is instagram (@laurasylv) I generally share most things there, however I'm a natural writer and I can't always express things fully with a limited amount of words to use in captions. So let's give this blog another go. It's a great way to get things out of your head, so you can move on with your day, or even your life..

This year really hasn't been 'the year' has it? It's been difficult for everyone, worldwide. It's still hard to grasp and accept, though at the same time, mask wearing, social distancing, thorough hand washing and not being able to see friends or family has become all too 'normal'. Ultimately I'm proud of myself for just getting through the year, that in itself is an achievement, and if you're reading this you should be proud of yourself too. I feel grateful for the position I'm in but it doesn't mean to say its been easy. I started the year in Bali, for what I thought was going to be a life changing, positive, magical experience - awakening, a rebirth ready to start my next phase/chapter of life, but it didn't quite go how I thought and ended sooner than planned. I spent all of February in sorrow and by march we was in a national lockdown.... Covid-19

I've tried to remain as positive as I can throughout, holding on to that glimmer of hope. I don't think any of us saw it going on this long, and the end is not in sight (yet) we have a vaccine, so that's great news, but it'll take a while to get round us all and who knows the full extent of it just yet, but here's to hoping 🤞🏻

It was my birthday in April and I oddly felt very positive, quite content and very grateful. The sun was shining which always makes a difference, and I felt optimistic. We started playing street bingo every Wednesday night which gave us all a boost, socially distanced of course, it was fun and lighthearted, just what everyone needed. The summer felt easier, it was nicer going for walks and being outdoors, nothing beats that vitamin D

Behind the scenes I've been studying and doing a lot of reading (not fiction books) learning and working more and more on self development. I completed a mindfulness diploma and a life coaching diploma. I've also been studying NLP (neuro-lingustic programming) and I can now call myself a certified NLP practitioner. I've been keeping my mind busy, I love to learn, I'm constantly wanting to know more about everything. More on this and why I'm doing it in another post..

We've had it rough up north, when we haven't been in a lockdown we've been in tier 3, which is basically the same, but with clothes shops open.. Not being able to see my friends or do 'normal' stuff, like go for a coffee, has really taken its toll throughout these darker and colder months and has had serious impact on my mental health. I'm someone that wants to get out everyday, but when it's cold, raining and windy (which it often is here) it's really not inviting.

It's been hard to avoid the news, because even if you're not watching or reading it, it's the talk on everyones lips, whether that's messaging your friends or popping to Tesco. I'm also someone that likes to see the information with my own eyes rather than hear it second hand from someone else, so I know I'm getting the full story (kind of) and I can honestly say I've found myself addicted to the news app on my iPhone this year. I probably check it up to 10 times or more a day and this can include the early hours too.. Most days I can handle it, but it's obviously gotten into my psyche and caused affect without me really seeing it as a problem. Before covid, I avoided the news, it's never been helpful to me to hear or see in detail the worlds tragedies. 

I'm also sure I'm not the only one that's probably spent 23hrs a day sat scrolling through my phone endlessly, looking at instagram seeing influencers living their best life either on a yacht in Greece, a beach in Dubai or a bar in Ibiza. Then came the guilt of not setting an alarm for 6am to smash through a full body HIIT workout... BUT comparison aside (because it's never helpful) I've looked after me this year the best I could, I've had my fair share of ups and downs, but I've navigated my way through them. I've achieved diplomas and certificates I may not have had enough time for previously and I've grown so much more as a person, I feel stronger both physically and mentally. 

Take some time before the year is out to look back and reflect, home in on all the positive things you've done, changed, seen, or heard. What stands out? What are you most proud of yourself for?

We have the ability to rewire and reframe our mind, we chose how to react to any situation, don't let things out of your control affect who you are or your choices, put yourself first and make yourself proud and be kind, always.

Sending my best wishes for the new year, keep growing, keep evolving. Don't give up.

Life is tough, but so are you.

Laura x

Migraines

Migraine attacks!

Lawrence Hope’s 1957 painting ‘Migraine’

So, I thought I would give my experience with migraines because if I can help at least one person, that would be amazing. Thus far, I've experienced them severely for exactly one year, before that, I experienced them, but not as frequent and nowhere near as severe.

Firstly migraines are more than a headache, they're disabling.

One year ago I ended up in hospital, very ill indeed and that's when I began to experience extreme migraines that didn't go away, they lasted each day for way over a month. At the time, I put this down to how poorly I was, and I thought when I got better, the migraines would naturally go away, but, they didn't, they kept getting worse. I was given painkillers every day and night to help the pain, a mixture of paracetamol and dihydrocodeine, which did help, but it only masked the pain underneath which soon returned when it wore off. The pain was unbearable, I couldn't cope, but that's all I could do. I couldn't speak during these attacks, it was a blur, almost like a nightmare, they were at their peak during the night.

I don't drink caffeinated tea or coffee, i cut that out years ago because i went through a spell of not being allowed caffeine and the withdrawal affects where something I wouldn't like to experience ever again, that and the fact when I was able to have caffeine again after a hospital stay, I did, I went to my local coffee shop and had a black coffee, not knowing or thinking how it make affect me, five minutes into this drink I began to shake heavily, I was hot, sweating, I felt unbelievably nauseous and very dizzy too. It was from this day I cut caffeine out of my diet completely. However, I still drank soda containing caffeine, which at the time I thought nothing of as I didn't believe it contained that much, and quite frankly I didn't get the migraines or headaches and so continued to drink them; but this time last year, I went cold on those fizzy drinks while in hospital and looking back, part of these migraines will have been a caffeine withdrawal from not being able to have them.

A month in, even though I was getting better, my migraines weren't. I was reading up about them online all the time trying to figure out what kind i had, was it a tension headache, a cluster headache, a migraine, chronic daily headache?! the list could go on. I hadn't realised there were so many types and in constantly researching, i was probably making them worse with stress. At this time i was participating in daily relaxation at the start of every morning, as much as i enjoyed the sessions, for me personally it had no effect.

Still only taking painkillers I was asking for other things that would help, but I wasn't taken seriously and was told it's probably because I was so unwell, some of my migraines was behind the eye, so I questioned whether I needed my eyes retesting and the doctors agreed, (but that was their excuse so they didn't have to look into matters further) as later on, when I did have my eyes retested, I had a thorough check, looking at the pressure behind my eyes etc, nothing was found, my eyesight was fine.

Looking more at medications (OTC) I also have experience with the medication Migraleve, they come as pink and yellow tablets which contain paracetamol and codeine and the pink contains buclizine which helps with sickness in migraines. The idea is to take the pink at the first sign of an attack and if the migraine is still present after 4 hours, you then follow up with the yellow. I used these for years, swore by them and my handbag had a constant supply, up until last year when I attempted taking them, they actually made my headaches/migraine worse, so now what? 

I'd realised that I'd had far too many painkillers and was now having the opposite effect (rebound headaches) the painkillers then became the cause of my migraines, but seriously when in so much pain, you'll do anything at all to get rid of it. I lessened the amount of these tablets and instead had to grin and bear the pain, however bad it was. Led in a dark, silent room, with my head buried in a pillow, pressing my head, tossing and turning violently, feeling like I needed to throw up, it's honestly the worst pain I've ever experienced. 

For the first time on one of my attacks I was sick several times, out of the blue, I couldn't pinpoint what on earth was bringing them on or causing them. I was eating right, I wasn't having caffeine, I think I was getting enough sleep and I was certainly hydrated, so what on earth?

Leaving hospital I was hopeful, I put some of my migraines down to stress, I thought with leaving, back in my home environment, not working they would lessen, but again, they didn't. At this point, I was drinking caffeinated fizzy drinks again and I didn't feel it made a difference at first but later recognised it probably did. I'd had an appointment at the Dr's and was prescribed sumatriptan, which you take when you feel a migraine coming on, and amitriptyline which is an ancient drug used for many different kinds of pain or illnesses, such as depression. I decided to give the sumatriptan a go first and my experience with those is that they simply didn't work, but I didn't want to try the others because, with those you have to take them every single night whether you have a migraine or not, the idea is to prevent them. Because one of its main causes is to treat depression I was really skeptical and actually quite scared of taking them, as I didn't want to become reliant upon them (with having a mental illness as it is) and I'd also heard they can make you very sleepy and upon awakening you find it difficult to get up and have no motivation. To this day, I still haven't tried those because I'd sooner try and get to the bottom of them before becoming so reliant on a drugs I'd have to take every day.

The day I went for this appointment I spoke about my history with painkillers and we decided that they had made things worse so I decided to go cold on them completely, that and the caffeinated fizzy drinks. As well as cutting both of these out, I decided the best thing to do was create a migraine diary, that way I could see not only how frequently I was having them, but try and find links in there, like perhaps it was a certain day, a certain time, something I ate and so on. As much as it showed me having them quite often, I couldn't find anything that stood out to tell me why. One of the only things was, I was experiencing them after a busy or stressful day at work and they kept happening, with painkillers out the window, I had to try and bare them, but they were so bad, at times I actually wanted to die and that's no exaggeration. If you've experienced a 10 in a migraine attack, you know what I'm talking about. 

I went back to the doctors as the other meds hadn't worked, this time it was somebody different and my experience was horrible, she didn't listen and instead patronised and belittled me, she asked whether I'd tried ibuprofen. Erm? I'm not going to go to the doctors having not tried the most obvious painkiller, she didn't prescribe me anything, I left feeling like a complete idiot, but one thing she did suggest and put me forward for, was acupuncture. I'd never really thought of that before, but I was willing to give absolutely anything a go. I even got my tragus pierced which I've heard has helped a lot of others, sadly not for me.

Since that doctor's appointment and before my first session of acupuncture, I had another Dr's appointment, this time with a different Dr, who took me far more seriously and prescribed rizatriptan, a drug that melts in the mouth also known as Maxalt.

Acupuncture - So my first session was a questionnaire, to find out the location of the pain and general medical background. On my first actual session, the needles were put into my head, my neck, and my hands. It's a very weird feeling, I'm good with injections, needles etc, but this felt so different to that and so wrong. I didn't like it at all, it wasn't pain, it just didn't feel right, the ones in the hand especially. After this session I didn't feel any different; however, she did tell me that things may get worse before they got better, but usually, that's not the case. The day after though, i did feel different, i didn't feel better, in fact, i woke up feeling like i had a cold and the sides of my head were hurting? I went to work anyway and did feel better as the day went on. The day after i had another session, again it went okay, didn't feel any different at the time, but worked the next day and felt slightly off coming towards the end of my shift, by the time i got home, i had a migraine, so i took one maxalt, i was so surprised, it worked, it sent me off to sleep for a good hour and i felt okay, if a bit numb (which was good) but it did ware off after a few hours, the drug allows you to take 2 within 24hrs and you can take a second dose at least after two hours of the first. So i took a second, but this time, it didn't work, the migraine stayed and there was nothing else i could do, apart from squeeze my head and toss and turn violently all night. It took 3 days then for it to disappear, which took me right up to my next session with acupuncture. The same thing happened, the day after i felt awful again! I'd worked and got another migraine in the evening. I definitely put it down to the acupuncture, that's when it led me to do some research myself and interestingly found some article which made so much sense!

"Acupuncture involves the insertion of fine needles into specific points on the body, followed by gentle manual or electrical stimulation of the needles. Blood flow in the tissues increases when small vessels around the area of the needle dilate. While actions designed to increase circulation are generally an excellent treatment for pain, such a treatment is not beneficial in the treatment of migraines. Because the pain of a migraine may be associated with the dilation of blood vessels in the head, increasing circulation in this area can worsen the patient's symptoms. At New York AcuHealth, we utilize a unique approach to the treatment of migraine attacks. By avoiding points in the head, neck and upper body, and instead using points exclusively in the lower body, we avoid dilating the blood vessels of the head. The entire treatment is often performed with the patient in a recumbent position rather than in a prone position. This also minimizes dilation of the blood vessels during acupuncture."

From reading this and having bad migraines from the sessions, I only had one more left, so I decided to call it quits.

I'm still not taking painkillers, nor am I drinking caffeine. I have had a few migraines, which I've treated with the maxalt melts, they are great when they work, though they haven't worked every time. But they are better in some respects, I also feel I've learned to deal with them.

Other tips would be to take a hot shower (it sometimes helps when you feel one coming on) obviously not during an attack. Getting fresh air, I also had someone tell me to have my feet in hot water whilst having an ice pack or cold flannel on the back of your neck. Peppermint oil on your temples, though use sparingly as it does sting. Rest, drink plenty, talk about things to people to vent stress, don't let things build up. Get enough sleep.

Keep a diary of when you're getting a headache, and where the pain is located, doing this will help your Dr prescribe the right thing for you. If it's a frontal headache, it's probably a tension headache which is related to stress. Do a little research, find your triggers, it could be something you're eating.

They are life ruining, I've had to cancel so many plans, call into work sick and let my team down, I feel I'm unable to work full time as I can't dedicate that much time without a severe attack, I have to avoid alcohol as this brings one on - which ruined my Christmas day this year. They are awful, and definitely more than a headache, they're a full body experience. One side of my face will tingle or go numb, which can sometimes move down my arm, similar to stroke symptoms which can be frightening. I can often feel like I'm underwater or have the sensation that I have water stuck up my nose, the nausea is unbearable, sometimes I'm sick and it makes eating or knowing what and when to eat hard, which makes it even harder living with an eating disorder as if the migraine alone wasn't hard enough to live with.

BUT,

I hope someday to grow out of them, but for now, I'll do my best to try and cope.

If you're living with migraines and have any tips or need any more advice, please leave a comment below. Don't let them ruin your life! <3